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You’ll Be Stronger……and other lies.

November 6, 2014

Devastation, loss, heartbreak and tragedy does not make you stronger or resilient or a better person. It kills a piece of your soul. Every time you experience despair, a piece of your soul dies. It just does, it just is and it’s reality……and how do you like that for an opening statement?

Have you ever wondered why older people seem calmer, perhaps less shocked by “bad news”? They seem to hear or go through total devastation with an aura of acceptance, not because they are so strong, but I believe because over time their sense of the unbearable has died. They and eventually we have become numb to sorrow. The ability to comprehend the severity has died. We have learned through history that life will go on, personal pain unoticed, everyone moving on. We shutdown the feeling of spending any time on the shock and awe of the situation as it is self defeating and so that little piece of our spirit dies. The elderly with their calm demeanour during crisis’s, admired for their strength and wisdom just know that the impact of this moment will in time too pass. It always has and it always will.

I spent sometime this morning reading over some motivational quotes and inspirational thoughts and found myself saying out loud, “Bullshit.” Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, move forward and learn from all the ugly stuff. What a load of crap. Just maybe I don’t want to loose another piece of my soul. Just maybe “C’est la vie” isn’t where I want to go. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger…….check mark in the strongly disagree column. It doesn’t physically kill you but a piece of your spirit dies.

Remember when you were a kid and everything was so exciting and wonderful? Life beats that out of you. It takes that innocence and exuberance and day by day replaces it with fear, worry and trepidation. We spend more time evaluating situations for the “screw over” or “the downside” and justify it with not wanting to appear stupid or naive. God forbid we be trusting.

My brain works differently than normal people’s brains and I clearly get that. When I see someone, and we all know them, who have been to Hell and back, I don’t see a survivor, I see a very broken person who needs an honest smile and a nod of recognition. I get it! They aren’t stronger, they are coping and they damn well deserve a high five. Motivational quotes my ass, a standing ovation is in order.

So… is my personal philosophy that we take every gut wrenching situation and fix it. Name it, own it and fix it. I believe our soul is no different than our bodies in that it needs to be replenished. We have no problem spending time and money on the newest youthful regenerating face cream, lets regenerate our souls. Grab all those pieces we’ve lost and replace them.

I want to re-own (maybe not a word) Happiness, Excitement, Innocence, Trust and Fun. Maturity is just another name for responsible, so I’m not against that, but temper it with the word reasonable or mellow. I am so tired of my soul dying piece by piece by devastation that physical dying would be a pleasure. Life has taught us that bad things happen to good people everyday and we live in fear of that. I would like to make a powerful proposal, what if, just what if we all tell ourselves and our friends how fantastic they are? What if we acknowledge all those pieces of ugliness we have all endured with a simple hug and replace that dead piece with a positive comment. If we were to do this for each other everyday maybe THAT will make us stronger or resilient or a better person.


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